Kenzie is 1 month old!

Kenzie girl,

        Has it already been one month??? It just seems like yesterday that we welcomed you into our lives! I can't even begin to tell you how much joy and happiness you have brought daddy and I. You seem to put off such an awesome and cool vibe all the time which I am forever grateful for. (You get the calmness from your daddy not me) You are now more alert and focus on faces. We have even caught a number of great smiles from you which melt my heart every time! You love bath time and could stay in the water till your fingers fell off. The other night when I was running the water your hand went under it and your face was so cute! I don't think I have ever seen your eyes so big before and I could tell you were in deep thought wondering if you liked it or not. I guess you decided to like it. You have always been a great sleeper and luckily for me you don't have your nights and days mixed up for the most part give or take some nights where you wouldn't go to bed till midnight. I have to admit when you came out you looked nothing like I thought you would. We thought for sure that you were going to have blond peach fuzz but instead came out with tons of brunette hair! It is so  fun trying to decide who's features you have and who you look more like. You have my butt chin, nose and mouth and I think your eyes are starting to look more like daddy's but we are still not sure. Unfortunately you have daddy's feet. :( Sorry girl I tried! You turned out so adorable and perfect in every way and you get complimented all the time! My favorite thing about you is that you have your daddy's layed back attitude which I am so grateful for! Nursing you has been one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do in my life. We both don't really know what we are doing and its a work in progress but I am positive in a good outcome. You do love to eat though and are kind of stubborn when it comes to burping. Daddy is much better at burping you than I am but I'm getting there! You love to lay on your tummy while being held and love to pull daddy's chest hair which makes us laugh! We love everything about you Kenzie girl and you are forever implanted in our hearts!

 

 

 

The Guilt Trip: My Breastfeeding Journey

So to say that I have had a hard time breastfeeding Kenzie would be a huge understatement! It has been one of the hardest things I have ever done before. When I was pregnant I assumed that breastfeeding would be a wonderful and easy experience. I had done so much research and read the best "breastfeeding how to" books out there. I felt extremely confident in myself that I would be a pro in no time. No way was that even the story! Makenzie came out perfect in every way and I got to breastfeed her right away after she was born. I thought everything was great and that was the case the entire stay at the hospital. I had her on a Saturday so there were no LC available so I would ask the nurses for some help as I thought she might not be latching on right but wasn't sure. They told me everything looked fine and checked to see if she was tongue-tied which she wasn't. Another big problem was that we had given birth to a sleeping baby so to wake her up every 2 hours was impossible and would take an hour in itself to wake her up! I knew something wasn't adding up. We went home and that is when she started to fight me every time I went to feed her and when she did go to the breast the latch was not good at all. I started to feel totally frustrated and angry at Makenzie which made me feel like a terrible mom. I called the LC on base and she got me in the next day as she heard the urgency in my voice. When we got there she weighed her and then had me try to feed her. Like I had thought she had a terrible latch and because she hadn't really had a good feeding since she was born she had already lost more than 10% of her birth weight. My milk supply had dropped down to barely nothing. I was devastated! I went in the next day and was finally able to get a good latch on both boobs but once again when I got home I had no success. By this time I had lost it and I broke down and started to sob. I'm not a crier so this was not like me at all. I didn't know what to do and Kenzie hadn't pooped or peed for 2 days and I knew in the back of my head the inevitable was going to happen. I was going to end up formula feeding her. I hadn't even thought about that option as I was going to breastfeed and that was it. This was so hard for me because I felt that formula was poison. Crazy to think that figuring I was formula fed. I knew it wasn't the best thing for her and I just couldn't accept that. In the end I made one of the hardest decisions of my life and I gave up on my dream of breastfeeding. I had surrendered. So formula it was and I noticed that formula feeding has its perks too (faster feedings, people can help etc.) Well a couple days ago at like 2 AM I got curious and put her to my boob to see what she would do and you know what happened??? She latched perfectly! What the heck! She fed on each side for a total of 45 min! I thought it was a fluke thing but she did that all night long. Ever since I have been nursing her before formula feeding her and hopefully in a month or so I can say that I am exclusively breastfeeding her! Lets just hope that my supply gets back up! Keep your fingers crossed!

~A labor of love~

So my labor was AWESOME! I know that sounds like crazy talk especially when I say that it was 13 hours long and all natural with no epidural. I am so proud of myself for concurring such a big hurtle! While I was pregnant and I would tell people that I was going to do an all natural labor they would give me this look or just laugh. I knew going in that I needed to stick to my guns about it or it would never happen. I educated myself as much as I could but honestly I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous! I went in for a checkup on Wednesday and found out that I was 1cm dilated and 30% effaced. I was so excited because something had happened! I had my midwife strip my membranes and off I went! My labor started Thursday night when I noticed I was waking up to "period like cramps". I guess you could say I woke up a good 8 times that night. The next morning I felt "off" and still crampy but nothing solid so I went to lunch with my friend Katie at Panera Bread. I remember saying to her "I just don't feel right". She is currently pregnant and we joke that all we have to do is go to lunch there to start her labor when she is ready! Well when I got home my "cramps" became stronger and more like contractions and so I started timing them. They were every 3 to 4 minutes apart but they didn't hurt like I thought they would. We ended up going to the hospital at 430 pm where they checked me and to my excitement I was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced! They said they usually send people home when they are only 3cm but they said because I was handling the contractions so well that I would be that person having their baby in a car. They probably would have been right. I labored by walking around when I wasn't hooked up to the monitors and moving my hips. My nurse was awesome because she let me "go to the bathroom" for an hour and take a nice hot shower which felt amazing! At around 10ish she checked me and I was 6cm dilated so that was cool and I kept at it. I laid in the bed to rest for a bit but the contractions were so much worse so I got back out and knelled over the bed some more. By around 12 AM I was still at a 6 so I got a little discouraged. An hour or so later my contractions became back to back and so strong that my entire body was shaking from the pain. OUCH! I can see now why so many people ask for epidurals! I thought I still had 4 more cm's to go so I asked for the epidural to my dismay. All of a sudden I had the strongest urge to use the restroom so I did and my water broke on the toilet. Not even 5 minutes later I had the urge to push her out! It was so intense and scary but she was born 30 minutes later. I cant even begin to tell you how crazy it was to push her out! She came out and didn't even cry which I thought was strange but they put her right on me so I guess she was fine. Looking back that is just her personality which is very complacent and relaxed. I just love her and feel so blessed that she is perfectly healthy! The nurses couldn't stop talking about how crazy my labor was and how shocked they were that I didn't scream once! I thought it was going to be so much worse with me screaming my head off and crying from all the pain like you see on TV. It was nothing like that! It was such a calm environment and I felt totally at ease knowing that Brian was there and he was going to welcome our little girl into the world with me! I am so proud of myself for overcoming such a huge obstacle! I feel like I can do anything I set my mind to after giving birth with no drugs and I would do it again in a heartbeat!

Someone in Korea loves me...

So when I was about 12 weeks pregnant Brian found out he had orders to Osan, Korea. I got really excited because I thought I was going with him; well I wasn't. To say that this was the worst timing EVER was an understatement! We then had to decide if I was going to stay in Utah and have Kenzie there or move to Florida and stay with my parents while he was gone. I had a great job in Utah at an awesome hospital and had great friends there that I would miss terribly but in the end I chose to move to Florida. I had not been there during the summer in 5 years so I thought it would be fun and bring back memories of fun in the sun. Most of all is that my family would be there to help me with the baby when she entered this lovely world. When I first got to Florida and after Brian left I'm not going to lie I had a hard time. My friends had their own lives and it took me a while to accept it for what it was. I have always been a go - go - go type of person so to just sit at home was torture! I was starting to wonder if I had made the right decision. Looking back I believe I did. One of the biggest concerns for me was if Brian was going to be able to come home for Kenzie's birth or not. For me this was hard because even when he bought his plane tickets to come 2 weeks before my due date I was still worrying when I was actually going to go into labor. He was only going to be home for 4 weeks so we had a limited time together. In the end it couldn't have worked out any better! He got to be there and also spend about 3 weeks with her! He just left last Thursday for the remaining 7 months of his tour and I'm hoping it goes by fast. I am so grateful for Skype where we get to have our mornings together. I really thought that it was going to be harder on me emotionally when he left but for the most part I was "OK". I think I cried enough the weeks leading up to it! Hopefully soon we will find out where we are going to live! One of the annoying exciting parts of living the military life!

The start of something new

I have decided to start a blog to document our journey as my husband Brian and I have recently become new parents to a baby girl! Brian is also on a year tour to Korea and I thought a blog would be a nice distraction and make the time go by faster. I also wanted something that I could look back on and reminisce when times get tough or when I just want need a good laugh! Our life in the military so far has been a pretty good one; not counting deployments etc. We have been able to go places I never thought we would go i.e South Dakota for 3 1/2 years and then Utah for 1 1/2 years and have been able to make great friends along the way. While in Utah we decided that after 5 years of marriage we wanted to try for a baby and couldn't wait to start the next chapter in our lives! After 8 long months of "trying" we were ecstatic to find out that we were pregnant! Makenzie Jayde White was born June 22, 2013 perfect in every way! She is the highlight of our lives and a joy in every way! I have enjoyed learning her personality as it slowly comes out and debating whether she looks like me or Brian. I think its a good mix because I haven't been able to decide! Anyways, here is our journey and I hope you enjoy our roller coaster life!